Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
