I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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