did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
