worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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