So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
