She is in my trunk
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
