I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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