i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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