there's paper in my vomit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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