I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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