and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
