i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
