what day is it and did you see me today?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
