Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
