k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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