Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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