Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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