A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
