it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
