The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Need sex. Gaining weight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
