i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest