A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.