i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down