I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?