I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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