Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
