Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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