What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
