when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
