If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
