Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MIDGETS
????
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
