You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
