I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
