we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize