lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
