but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
