so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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