Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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