oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
