So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
