Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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