What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
