**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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