I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
