Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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