i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
