In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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