Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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