Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
