Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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