I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
