you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
