good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
