you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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