3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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