A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am naked and annoyed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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