i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
