The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
