Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
