we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just forgot I was standing up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
did i just pee glitter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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