is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
